Introducing: Midnight Mindfucks Vol1

I’m thinking of starting a new series called midnight mindfucks. Ha. Take that with a grain of salt as I have a hard time staying consistent. You can say I’m consistently inconsistent *ba dum dum*. Anyway, the concept of midnight mindfucks is to share what is truly inside my head during my manic depression mindfuck episodes.

Warning: This series will be intense.

Warning: This serious is a bit intense because well.. manic depressive episodes are intense. They are painful. There is a lot of emotional turmoil. And while I know many people don’t want to know what goes on in my head, I’m doing this for the one person who might need to know that they’re not alone. I get a serious case of the midnight mindfucks as well.

The only way out is through. Aka Sit through your thoughts?

They told me to lean into feeling and thoughts. Well then. I guess that means I have to embrace the crazy irrational bad scary terrible untrue demon thoughts that overcomes me. I just came out of depressive episode recently and I decided to write my thoughts out while they were happening. A few days later I decided to share my said midnight thoughts. Why? Because during my episode(s) all I wanted to do was withdraw and hide under the covers until I can breathe again. Then I thought… but what if I did the opposite?

Personally, when I’m feeling down. I tend to read and listen to other people’s stories. I want to feel like I’m not alone. Like I’m not crazy. And if I’m crazy, that I’m not alone in being crazy. Do you know what I mean?

So here goes nothing

I forgot to write the date of when this happened, but it was sometime around Aug 30th, 2022.

Real Questions: Should I just go to the hospital?

While most of my thoughts were manic, it brings up a very good question. Why don’t I go to the hospital? Should I go to the hospital? Do some people live in psych hospitals forever?

More on that next time.