Medication withdrawals?

It’s been two weeks since I stopped taking quetiapine. Well, sort of.

My prescription ran out and it was a long process with my Canadian doctor to get a refill. Long story short, I had no more quetiapine pills. So I stopped taking it.

I do not recommend doing this. It wasn’t a smart decision. One I made from anger and impulse, fully knowing it would be my own mental mind that suffers.

About ten days later, I stopped by the pharmacy to see if there was anything over the counter I could take to help me sleep. I was becoming a bit sleepless without the quetiapine, the antidepressant that made me sleepy. The pharmacist then told me they had a refill for me. No one called or alerted me. I paid for the prescription (extended benefits coverage has now run out). I decided to take a lower dosage to get some sleep.

Fourteen days later, aka today, I feel it. Utter low energy. Isolation. Madness. Part of me know there’s things that will make me feel better, like doing my suicidal thoughts workbook, but the worst part of me doesn’t want to feel better.

The worst part of me wants to suffocate me in the darkness.

Connection.

Connection heals me. Usually. But things have shifted this year and I’m slowly realizing that the connections I rely on don’t have time for me in their lives.

It brings me back to wondering- where do I belong?

People worry when a fire is a blaze. But does anyone notice when the first starts?