Sometimes the closest people around you will not understand your mental health

Wholy canoly. It’s been a while.

Well, even though it’s been about 5 weeks since my last post, in my mind it feels like it’s been months. As each day passed, I’ve been beating myself up about all my “shoulds” including “I should be updating my blog regularly”.

Consistency is hard for me!

It’s especially hard when I get waves of depression. During those waves of depression all I want to do is hide.

A few weeks ago I was doing good. I was doing great actually. I was on day 10 of my daily yoga challenge, keeping up workbook work-a-long series, eating healthy, going to cafe’s regularly to work on my brand, and overall just having a routine.

So what happened?

Well, I let my guard (ie. boundary) down and allowed outside energy to affect me.

Here’s the lesson I know but always get a fresh slap in the face every now and then: Not everyone will understand you. AND, sometimes the closest people around you will not understand you. And that is ok!

Of course I can say this now, but weeks ago I went from a solid 8 to -10 overnight.

My routine was gone along with my motivation, inspiration, and desire to do anything. Instead of believing in myself and my path, I was ridden with panic. Most of all, I couldn’t understand what was happening in my mind and my emotions. I cried myself to bed for the first time in a while. I sat with my thoughts and let a few days pass. After a week it became clear that this trigger was a different one and time was not going to be the solution. I had to figure out the whys if I was going to feel better.

I had a hard time regulating my emotions because I couldn’t understand how someone close to me could make me feel this way.

I thought when we spent time with people we love that our buckets are always full afterwards. This isn’t always the case. AND that doesn’t mean that particular person is bad. Like we all know to this day – mental health is a tricky topic. Some people are uncomfortable with it. Some people don’t know what to say. At the end of the day I truly believe people can love me without fully understanding my mental health aspect.

Picking up the pieces from 0

Honestly, every time I go through… let’s call it an episode, I find myself back to square one. I’m picking up the pieces again, meaning I’m building my routine from scraps. I won’t lie – these past few weeks (if I don’t have plans) I can easily stay in bed until noon. I have no motivation. But creating a routine means getting up at a certain time whether I want to or not. I was finally able to pull out my journal and organize my thoughts and write what I want to focus on.

I have to keep it very simple and basic, but here’s what I’m practicing:

• Yoga 1x/wk
• Wash my dishes every night (don’t leave in sink)
• Lights out by 1030pm
• Take meds at 9pm and start night time routine
• Clean eating 5 days of the week
• Read a fiction book for 30 minutes as part of night routine

If I can’t meet these 5 goals, I scale it back to just 3 or 2.

What about you? How do you pick yourself up after hard times? What are some tips and tools you use?

Thanks for reading!