Start Wherever You Are

Today I am launching my blog. I don’t feel prepared or ready, but I read a quote recently that said “Start wherever you are” and it’s giving me the push to just do it.

A few months ago I came up with an idea. A passion project revolving around mental health. I wanted to spread awareness, but how? What would I share? How much do I share? Can I be consistent? What if I fail? Could I really do it? Plain old me. I knew I wanted to try. I was super excited and had all these ideas running through my head. So many things I wanted to share! The project has been delayed because when I struggle most days with the ups and downs of depression, the big setback for me when feeling down is constantly wanting to withdraw from the world. These days I could sleep 24 hours if I let myself.

I’ve been waiting for a good time to launch my blog and I don’t think there ever will be. I think it’s now, the moment I decide to begin. Today.

All my life I have been searching for a purpose. I have asked my friends and family, and even my therapist, “What is the purpose of life?”. I’m often met with “I don’t know” or most of all “Why do you need to know right now?”.

I struggle with a purpose in life and feel the need to know. I google the question. I read forums. I research and read books. Yet I know the answer is within me. When I’m even just a little tired, I question “it all”. I question why I’m here and what I am doing in this lifetime. I often wonder throughout the day what the point of everything is.

At the beginning of this year, 2022, I was coming out of a long rough patch and something changed. I felt the need to speak. Up until then, I was in my own little nutshell, withdrawn from my social circle and removed myself from most platforms and chats. I was not available to anyone and if one should manage to reach me, they would be met with a one sided conversation because honestly, I just wanted to be alone. I wanted the world to move forward without me. I started sharing little glimpses of my mental health struggles through blurbs on my instagram (natashachan) and was surprisingly met with support from strangers and even old friends/acquaintances. I mentioned my struggle with anxiety, depression, and most of all suicidality. Spoiler: depression is an awkward topic, but suicidality is even more awkward.

Some days I would make one step foward and take two steps back, because frankly, people don’t change overnight and sharing vulnerable thoughts are scary! But when I was at my best, I knew I wanted to share. For brief moments, I finally found a purpose that I’ve been longing for. I’m still working on believing in myself, but the wise woman in me wants to help others. The wise woman in me believes I can make a difference. The inner child in me still believes she can change the world one day.

That’s where the fire started for my passion project. This blog is part one. I will give you the best and worst of me through this blog, but most of all I will give you the truth. This is for anyone who has ever felt alone while going through ANY mental health issue. I see you.

My name is Natasha. Welcome to Rooting For Mental Health.